DEVIANT BEHAVIOR

I wrote this one when i was 18 years old for the completion of one of the requirements in our subject, SOCIOLOGY AND ANTHROPOLOGY. All of these happened when I was 8-15 years old' let me remind you that this is a true to life story.


A girl who finds life so complicated but used to struggle to seek simplicity and peace of mind despite the dark hours in her life.

Some called her freak, insecure, A BURDEN, numb, autistic, insane, different, and worthless. Some had degraded her moral, insulted her whole being, and ridiculed her till she almost lose her identity. But yet, she intent to see the beauty of life despite of everything she passed through.


It’s been years ago since I live this life like nightmares in my past. The past when all I could see was just a girl of grudge and complications; the girl who filled with pain, worries, regrets and fears; The girl who doesn’t even know her value and trying so hard to figure things out.
All days in my life were spent by looking forward to find contentment and yet to simply be happy. Many times I failed to let the whole world know my worth, the reason of my existence, and to prove that I really deserve my happiness. But even if I feel so hopeless to do my intentions, but still I could feel the fire burning in me which pushes me to hang on and not to give up.


I almost drown by insanity and so much loneliness almost killed my dignity and desires. Yet, my emotions taught me to beg for love from the others and my emptiness pushed me to do worst things that I’d never thought of doing. Because of people’s insults and intention to put me down all the time, because of all the hurts I felt inside, because of the memories of pain and disasters, because of rejections and greediness of the people that they made me feel how worthless I am… I became afraid to get out from my humanity and even if I know it’s not normal, I did isolate myself to avoid influence from such people who also have their own crisis. I was always talking to matured people who could teach me how to survive from this reality. Yet, because of so much thirst to be loved, I learned to run towards the love of a family who made me realize my significance as a person. I became obsess to the commitment of friendship which they had given to me. And I told myself at last that, “Finally, I am loved!”… It suddenly cured the wounds I had since my youth days but it was just for a while… By just a blink of an eye, they pushed me away, rejected me, hurt me and let my heart bleed once more.

In my early age, I lived life in different ways… I learned to be strong enough even if at the eyes of others I AM WEAK. But for me and for those who really know me maybe I am so tough that I made it this far, after all.


I jumped torn to torn and grasped the sunlight with innocence. Until I felt that my whole body was burning but I couldn’t let go from the heat of the light… all I could do is weep and shout.
I’ve been in darkness and in darkness I found the shadow of my own till I saw the light from above that finally brought me home.

Despite the opinions of others to me, I rely on this: I am human but not ordinary, weak but strong, afraid but brave, dumb but bright, curious but limited, aware but innocent, rejected but needed, broken but whole. I have Lots of imperfections but through my savior Jesus Christ I know I’ve been FORGIVEN! In spite of everything, I stand with my principle that: It’s not how people can define me, but it’s how I define myself.

For me, it is true that: “We have to move on from our past no matter how painful it was” in other words, “We must die first, to be able to live again!”



I believe that we fall into the same parallel in life; we may be different because of what we’ve experienced that mold us to live in such a way, but yet our desires boil down into one thing:

TO LIVE THIS LIFE TO THE FULLEST! :D






[,,hope to inspire u more.... ü ]